"Some days I feel so overcome by my capacity for love that I worry it will sit in my heart forever, never being shared and eventually turning hard as I’m left to rot." — this one brought me to tears, thank you for sharing. this was beautiful and raw and SO WELL captures a lot of the things i feel as a single woman in her 20s. amazing read
Thank you for writing this!! This is exactly how I feel. Being single doesn't mean there's an absence of love - I think as long as we're willing to give love there will always be someone there to share it with. Even if it is your beautiful cat!
I'm in my mid-40s, child free by choice and have been single since 2011 and this is what I've learned. The love in your heart is meant for you too, love yourself fiercely, use it on you, and your loved ones, it doesn't need to go to just one person. Some of us weren't meant to be mother to their own children, but to the world, some of us came with a mission that serves the world and children would get in the way of that. Reasses this fear of dying alone, why is it a fear? Who taught it to us and why? What's so bad about dying alone? Is it shame? You're gonna die in shame? To who? We get to disown shame. <3
I love how you tie this all together! I recently had a conversation with my mom where I asked her why she never does things on her own, she told me she has never felt the need and has never really been alone. I in that moment realized that although I desperately wish for a lover and in my heart of hearts I know it is meant for me, i also admitted to her that I want to be the kind of person who can do it on her own. the kind of parent with infinite stories to tell on my adventures. this idea that love and singleness and feminism has a universal answer is everything every major feminist preached against. we must do better!
“Since the dawn of time, women have been defined in relation to men, and perhaps that is the reason we’re seeing the rise of the girl… Womanhood represented a responsibility for others, and girlhood a responsibility to self. This is why, in these times where women are rejecting the notion of settling down, we cling to the concept of being ‘just a girl’.” - This did it for me. An absolutely amazing take in a PERFECT read about the high, lows, and plateaus of being single.
Your early connections between pop culture, like Sex and the City, and singleness reminded me of The Golden Girl’s reference to singleness in a new way. As you said, we (women) are so often related to men through value (child bearing, house making, etc) and purpose (making him look good, taking care of him). Even as far as our 60s, 70s, and 80s, when our men may be gone and we’re nearer to the end of our “duties” and well, lives. It all made your last paragraph all the more beautiful and touching, especially as a 19 year old navigating love and life at what is the the very precipice of adulthood. Thank you for sharing and writing SO beautifully xx
As someone who doesn't plan on starting a family (with people) in any capacity, I felt really seen in the part where you talked about your "dying fantasy". Most of my friends see their singleness as a transitory state and I never want to be the mood killer who suggests that it might last forever and if that's the case then how do we make sure that our love, joy, passion and devotion isn't wasted? I hope that I end up living many lives after being reborn on the other side of many lessons, so thank you for writing this <3
Oh this resonates so much i love it! I think there’s always this war in my mind in which singlehood is celebrated because living in it is just as fulfilling as sharing life with someone, but there is still always the rare day in which it feels so heavy to be alone. Considering you mentioned the 2019 little women adaptation I always see myself in jo when she’s in the attic talking about how meaningful women are and yet they’re always reduced by their capacity to love, and in the same sentence she cries about being lonely. i always feel like it’s a hard line to walk but both feelings can coexist in a strange way that doesn’t force us to denigrate either reality.
I felt sooo seen reading this! I feel so happy in my decidedly single life, but I agree that some people don’t know what to do with that, and then it makes me feel like I should feel like I’m doing something wrong. Thank you for describing this feeling perfectly. 💕
thank you so so much for writing this! i have never found someone else who had the same thoughts in this topic genuinely (most of them fake it when i talk about it).
This last paragraph deeply touched me. I feel so similarly!!! ahhh to be a Being full of so much love that containing it feels impossible…. With you there and appreciating your share ❤️
“It’s just like getting over anything ― smoking, drugs, whatever it may be. Eventually you just forget and then all that energy that you were putting toward sex, you can put it toward other things" - this is to real, you just forget.
"Some days I feel so overcome by my capacity for love that I worry it will sit in my heart forever, never being shared and eventually turning hard as I’m left to rot." — this one brought me to tears, thank you for sharing. this was beautiful and raw and SO WELL captures a lot of the things i feel as a single woman in her 20s. amazing read
this means so much ❤️ it's been on my mind for a while and I'm so glad it resonates with so many people- we've got each other!!
Thank you for writing this!! This is exactly how I feel. Being single doesn't mean there's an absence of love - I think as long as we're willing to give love there will always be someone there to share it with. Even if it is your beautiful cat!
totally agree!! 🐈✨❤️
I'm in my mid-40s, child free by choice and have been single since 2011 and this is what I've learned. The love in your heart is meant for you too, love yourself fiercely, use it on you, and your loved ones, it doesn't need to go to just one person. Some of us weren't meant to be mother to their own children, but to the world, some of us came with a mission that serves the world and children would get in the way of that. Reasses this fear of dying alone, why is it a fear? Who taught it to us and why? What's so bad about dying alone? Is it shame? You're gonna die in shame? To who? We get to disown shame. <3
I love how you tie this all together! I recently had a conversation with my mom where I asked her why she never does things on her own, she told me she has never felt the need and has never really been alone. I in that moment realized that although I desperately wish for a lover and in my heart of hearts I know it is meant for me, i also admitted to her that I want to be the kind of person who can do it on her own. the kind of parent with infinite stories to tell on my adventures. this idea that love and singleness and feminism has a universal answer is everything every major feminist preached against. we must do better!
totally agree!! thank you for reading :)
“Since the dawn of time, women have been defined in relation to men, and perhaps that is the reason we’re seeing the rise of the girl… Womanhood represented a responsibility for others, and girlhood a responsibility to self. This is why, in these times where women are rejecting the notion of settling down, we cling to the concept of being ‘just a girl’.” - This did it for me. An absolutely amazing take in a PERFECT read about the high, lows, and plateaus of being single.
Your early connections between pop culture, like Sex and the City, and singleness reminded me of The Golden Girl’s reference to singleness in a new way. As you said, we (women) are so often related to men through value (child bearing, house making, etc) and purpose (making him look good, taking care of him). Even as far as our 60s, 70s, and 80s, when our men may be gone and we’re nearer to the end of our “duties” and well, lives. It all made your last paragraph all the more beautiful and touching, especially as a 19 year old navigating love and life at what is the the very precipice of adulthood. Thank you for sharing and writing SO beautifully xx
Thank you so so much for this thoughtful comment!!
As someone who doesn't plan on starting a family (with people) in any capacity, I felt really seen in the part where you talked about your "dying fantasy". Most of my friends see their singleness as a transitory state and I never want to be the mood killer who suggests that it might last forever and if that's the case then how do we make sure that our love, joy, passion and devotion isn't wasted? I hope that I end up living many lives after being reborn on the other side of many lessons, so thank you for writing this <3
thank you for these words!!
beautifully said. so vulnerable yet witty, but always honest. this was like a bowl of fresh fruit to start the day with. thank you for sharing.
beautifully said by you too!! a bowl of fresh fruit is how I always want to be described ❣️ thank you for reading
Oh this resonates so much i love it! I think there’s always this war in my mind in which singlehood is celebrated because living in it is just as fulfilling as sharing life with someone, but there is still always the rare day in which it feels so heavy to be alone. Considering you mentioned the 2019 little women adaptation I always see myself in jo when she’s in the attic talking about how meaningful women are and yet they’re always reduced by their capacity to love, and in the same sentence she cries about being lonely. i always feel like it’s a hard line to walk but both feelings can coexist in a strange way that doesn’t force us to denigrate either reality.
and i bet that petunia room will be beautiful and full of love
😗🫶🏼
I felt sooo seen reading this! I feel so happy in my decidedly single life, but I agree that some people don’t know what to do with that, and then it makes me feel like I should feel like I’m doing something wrong. Thank you for describing this feeling perfectly. 💕
thank you so so much for writing this! i have never found someone else who had the same thoughts in this topic genuinely (most of them fake it when i talk about it).
This last paragraph deeply touched me. I feel so similarly!!! ahhh to be a Being full of so much love that containing it feels impossible…. With you there and appreciating your share ❤️
thank you so so much! with you too ❤️
i am so glad i came across this essay and read it! thank you for sharing :)
I know a lover girl when I see one
🥲 is it that obvious
Nothing has spoke to my heart more than this writing
❤️❤️❤️
“It’s just like getting over anything ― smoking, drugs, whatever it may be. Eventually you just forget and then all that energy that you were putting toward sex, you can put it toward other things" - this is to real, you just forget.